my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
