my sisters under your porch take her home
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
