high people should be assigned attendants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
