That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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