I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
