Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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