Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
