he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
