WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
another moral hangover. fuck.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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