ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
