He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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