remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
