Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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