can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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