Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your penis caused this!
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