just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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