i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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