oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
