whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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