I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
