Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
