He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
