Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
