DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
