Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
