Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
