he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
