Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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