i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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