You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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