It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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