don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
