So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
