her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
