remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
