Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.

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  (973): i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/umpc
  Replies (15) Good night (831) Bad night (2527)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control

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  (484): I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control http://tfl.nu/pmnn
  Replies (19) Good night (722) Bad night (2412)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic

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  (917): She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic http://tfl.nu/5xzq
  Replies (37) Good night (5209) Bad night (1531)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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  (713): I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist... http://tfl.nu/i7x2
  Replies (15) Good night (4863) Bad night (869)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

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  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (39) Good night (6886) Bad night (1166)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5430) Bad night (2656)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

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  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (50) Good night (8565) Bad night (1053)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.

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  (503): I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over. http://tfl.nu/8vsu
  Replies (5) Good night (1035) Bad night (2684)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!

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  (231): Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well! http://tfl.nu/1chx
  Replies (4) Good night (2564) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.

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  (805): Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gnxv
  Replies (0) Good night (526) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays

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  (314): Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays http://tfl.nu/dq5p
  Replies (3) Good night (576) Bad night (396)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.

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  (513): FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy. http://tfl.nu/7k1b
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum

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  (412): Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum http://tfl.nu/plc1
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?

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  (419): So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk? http://tfl.nu/8zbp
  Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.

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  (908): I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now. http://tfl.nu/22x0
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (296)

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