Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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  (202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess... http://tfl.nu/v82v
  Replies (10) Good night (1366) Bad night (2892)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein

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  (412): waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein http://tfl.nu/1rbx
  Replies (36) Good night (5238) Bad night (867)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower

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  (508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower http://tfl.nu/74dl
  Replies (21) Good night (9557) Bad night (748)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.

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  (813): I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month. http://tfl.nu/259p
  Replies (20) Good night (739) Bad night (5152)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4570) Bad night (1525)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

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  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4687) Bad night (1371)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left

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  (925): you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left http://tfl.nu/56sv
  Replies (4) Good night (3701) Bad night (1013)
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  (562): View more from California

  I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

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  (562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u
  Replies (6) Good night (2864) Bad night (1276)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.

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  (574): A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments. http://tfl.nu/8p58
  Replies (6) Good night (2877) Bad night (994)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.

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  (917): Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am. http://tfl.nu/94x6
  Replies (2) Good night (1690) Bad night (880)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.

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  (563): He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name. http://tfl.nu/wgo9
  Replies (7) Good night (685) Bad night (1867)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked

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  (734): Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked http://tfl.nu/0uzi
  Replies (5) Good night (1181) Bad night (385)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time

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  (973): Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time http://tfl.nu/0f26
  Replies (1) Good night (633) Bad night (287)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Why can't burritos get me drunk

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  (806): Why can't burritos get me drunk http://tfl.nu/wd3d
  Replies (1) Good night (498) Bad night (226)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.

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  (250): I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start. http://tfl.nu/pmse
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (127)

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