Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...

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  (407): Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you... http://tfl.nu/kmbk
  Replies (1) Good night (1767) Bad night (565)
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  (209): View more from California

  Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?

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  (209): Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese? http://tfl.nu/1zro
  Replies (53) Good night (3477) Bad night (688)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

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  (206): There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out. http://tfl.nu/5rrz
  Replies (43) Good night (4700) Bad night (1126)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup

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  (203): we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup http://tfl.nu/4fq2
  Replies (25) Good night (3544) Bad night (1570)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think we should have started that trash fire

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  (215): I don't think we should have started that trash fire http://tfl.nu/5qs5
  Replies (14) Good night (1936) Bad night (1409)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.

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  (801): He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up. http://tfl.nu/2vsu
  Replies (4) Good night (2929) Bad night (1013)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight

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  (780): I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight http://tfl.nu/0wae
  Replies (2) Good night (1638) Bad night (825)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

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  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2729) Bad night (966)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.

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  (850): your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing. http://tfl.nu/7ema
  Replies (11) Good night (718) Bad night (1703)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.

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  (517): Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals. http://tfl.nu/q6vr
  Replies (12) Good night (1046) Bad night (534)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.

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  (563): I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused. http://tfl.nu/bg7n
  Replies (6) Good night (642) Bad night (459)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.

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  (936): Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible. http://tfl.nu/yk56
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (320)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.

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  (702): Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet. http://tfl.nu/3amu
  Replies (0) Good night (286) Bad night (628)
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  (707): View more from California

  According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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  (707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5
  Replies (4) Good night (1382) Bad night (270)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.

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  (662): She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER. http://tfl.nu/ip4a
  Replies (5) Good night (253) Bad night (648)

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