you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
