sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
