he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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