she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
