went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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