Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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