Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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