I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
