she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
smell my finger.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
