I hate your face
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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