Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
