he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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