i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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