I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
