What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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