you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
