Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
