Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
