real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
