Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
