On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its about making memories worth repressing
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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