On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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