this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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