Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
