I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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