he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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