Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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