Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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