Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
