Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
