Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
