I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
