Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
