Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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