He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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