at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
