He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
