guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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